Freezer Burn by Joni Caggiano

Image Source: Canva Pro

Snow had fallen for five days in a row, and we were no longer allowed outside.  Yet, my hateful sisters, Ruth and Elizabeth, somehow obtained mom’s approval to drive to the deli right up the street.  Mom gave them money for sandwiches and hot cocoa.  They both stuck their tongues out at me as they walked out the door with their red cashmere coats and hats.

Later that day, I reflected on my tenth birthday party which had passed two days ago.  No one had shown up, and mom had repeated herself hoarse, “Sarah, it is the weather.  No one came because of the snow.”  I found that odd as everyone lived within two streets of our home.  It was also strange that mom hadn’t decorated our enormous house.  Even my sisters were playing in the snow and getting dirty, which they rarely did.  I had sat long enough to blow out candles on a store-bought cake, and then both of my parents had excused themselves.  I found myself sitting alone on my tenth birthday after a five-minute celebration. Lost and glum, a faint knock startled me, and I opened the door to find Grandma Faith smiling back at me. 

Grandma was the only person in the world who truly loved me, and I loved her with all my heart.  She quickly looked around and said, “What on earth is going on here? Where are all your friends, your parents, and the twins?” 

“I don’t know, grandma.  Mom said that it was because of the snow.” 

“While it is a bit cold and snowy, it is a perfect day for a lovely birthday celebration. Where pray tell, are your parents now?” Grandma’s irritation rolled off her tongue.  I pointed toward the kitchen door.

I heard a lot of yelling and even heard my grandma say the F – – K word.  I then watched her walk out of the kitchen to sit next to me on the couch.  My heart spoke for me. “I love you, grandma, and I knew you would show up.  I just knew it.”  I then sheepishly asked, “What is that envelope in your hand?”

Grandma picked me up and put me on her lap.  She told me that I was the most special of her grandchildren and there was nothing she would not do for me.  She revealed that the envelope contained two plane tickets and two tickets to Phantom of the Opera on Broadway.  I caught a tear fall from grandma’s eye and asked her what was wrong.  “I love you, Sweetie, forgive me, but I have to go.  In just three weeks, we will be sitting together in New York and having a proper celebration for your birthday!”

That night, while my parents were enjoying a gin martini and the twins were playing the piano and singing, I went into my parents’ room.  As I had expected, the invitations for my tenth birthday party lay on mom’s wooden, hand-carved desk, a gift from dad the day my mom Tessa had received her tenure at Yale.  Mom had insisted that I write a different handwritten note on each invitation, no matter how long it took.  She was obsessed, and it had taken me all day the Saturday before my birthday.  She had promised to review them and mail them on Monday.  Once again, everyone had forgotten me except for grandma.

When Ruth and Elizabeth turned sixteen, the horrible twins completely hated me, and seemed to enjoy telling me I wasn’t their sister.  I had lost my sisters, and mom had stopped showing affection or love toward me after I had turned five. 

Both my parents were professors, and their work always came first.  Like my sisters, I, too, had my IQ tested when I was five.  The twins still brag about scoring over 140, but my scores had been challenging to measure, as the doctor had told Tessa.  After that, I was left alone with a nanny when there was no school, and the twin’s interaction with me was one of constant harassment and cruelty. 

Grandma and I had the most fantastic time in New York, and I loved her more than ever, but I could no longer live with my situation.  I returned home and decided to end my misery. I knew that the basement chest freezer was heavy, and you couldn’t get out once you got in.  When I got home from school, I went straight up to my room and put my pajamas on.

I returned downstairs unnoticed and quietly snuck into the garage, got into the freezer, and shut the lid.  I wasn’t sure how long it would take for me to fall asleep, but I wasn’t afraid to die.  God would understand, and it wasn’t like anyone really cared.  They didn’t even bother to call me down for dinner anymore. 

I was uncomfortable for a while, curled up in a ball, but I knew I would be asleep soon.  Well, until God came to get me.  My parents didn’t believe in God, but grandma told me about Him and His Son.

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Grandma Faith was vacuuming when her hands began to sweat.  She had the strangest feeling that something was wrong with her granddaughter, Sarah.  She went from having hot flashes to feeling literally frozen, so she wrapped herself in a woolen blanket on the couch.  Then she heard little Sarah’s voice, “Grandma, please don’t be mad at me because I will see you when you get to heaven, and we can be together always.” 

Faith felt fear grip her bones. She got into her Cadillac and sped to her daughter’s house.  She stormed into the quiet home and started screaming, “Sarah, where are you, tell grandma, honey?!”  Her words were so loud that Tessa came running from her bedroom, wanting to know what her mom was doing there. 

“Where is my grandchild?” Faith demanded.  Faith could tell that her daughter had no idea.

“Well, where are the twins?”

“I checked on them five minutes ago, and they were fine.  Now I think it is time for you, Faith, to tell me why you barged into our house like this.  What is wrong?!”

“Tessa, go upstairs and tell everybody to start looking for Sarah.  I know that she is in terrible trouble!”

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Three weeks later, Grandma Faith took me home from the hospital.  God had led grandma to find me in the chest freezer, where I had almost died.  During my hospital stay, grandma had taken mom and dad to court and had won sole guardianship of me. 

I never saw my parents or sisters again.  Grandma Faith and I moved to South Africa.  I never knew my great-grandmother, but when she died, she left Grandma Faith all her money and an estate in South Africa. 

From then on, I lived a life filled with adventure and made many beloved friends.  I was always proud of grandma, who made me a part of her life in every possible way while being an active spokesperson in the fight against apartheid.

But what mattered the most was that I never felt unloved again.

-JONI CAGGIANO

Joni is an internationally known and published poet, photographer, and author.  She is a co-author of the Amazon #1 bestselling poetry anthology “Wounds I Healed: The Poetry of Strong Women”, and the upcoming poetry anthology, “Hidden in Childhood” to be released late January 2023 by Literary Revelations.  She is a regular contributor to MasticadoresIndia and a regular contributor to MasticadoresUSA and Spillwords Press NYC, where she has been twice nominated and won Publication of the Month for, “Love Me Like a Luna”, (November 2022).  As a surviving Adult Child of Alcoholics (ACOA), Joni’s blog is Rum and Robots and her complete list of books, anthologies, magazines and contests can be found at Joni Caggiano’s Publications.  Joni’s blog is an effort to help other ACOAs through faith and a strong kinship with nature.  Joni is also a retired nurse.

You can also read her writing on Instagram @jonicaggiano and Twitter @theinnerchild1.

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