The Blue Pill by Joni Caggiano

Image Source: Canva Pro

Having had migraines for years, I knew I would need that third pill. No more than 300 milligrams of Imitrex, and I would take that enormous, new, blue blood pressure pill my family doctor just prescribed. I was way too young to be having blood pressure issues. But the unexpected has a way of meandering into life.

Still recovering from my neck surgery, my Physical Therapy doc had sounded the alarm bells after taking my vitals. My PT would have to be stopped and the justification was dangerously high blood pressure. My shock had been evident as I had voiced my confusion, “Doc, you must have made a mistake. I have never had elevated blood pressure and surely haven’t developed it in a month.”

The next thing I knew, they had called my family doctor, who had agreed to see me. Dr. Elizabeth Brown, a new physician in the office, completed a pretty comprehensive physical, including an EKG. She told me with heart-warming empathy, “Mrs. Stillman, I am sorry to tell you that it appears you have had at least one heart attack. You have dangerously high blood pressure, so I am writing you a prescription and referring you to a heart specialist.” My mouth had hung open like a cheap fly trap. 

Exhausted, after getting home, I eased into my cozy clothes and took the Imitrex and the massive new blood pressure pill. I then went back downstairs and put my head on my husband’s lap.

“Honey, can you rub my temples some more?”  

“Of course, and maybe the blood pressure pill will help. You did take it, didn’t you?”  

“Yes, I did. I don’t want to end up in the emergency room tonight!”

Even with my eyes closed, I started feeling dizzy, which seemed weird. Nausea hit me like a freight train going full speed. Jumping up from the couch, I made it to the first stair landing before I felt so light-headed that I collapsed.

My headache and nausea were gone. It was an indescribable but wonderful feeling. In fact, I hadn’t felt this great since I was a youngin, as Mama would say. There was unmistakably nothing wrong with me. I felt buoyant. Then I heard some voices I did not recognize. I was detached entirely from my body, just hovering above, yet I wasn’t afraid.  

I heard every word with distinct clarity, spoken by three strange male voices. They were talking amongst themselves and apparently to someone at the hospital on another line, reporting that I had no pulse or pressure. Two of the men were talking in low voices, and I heard them repeating the same sentence, “Make sure you don’t move her at all!”  

I realized I had no sense of time and felt only extreme joy.

I then heard three more voices speaking with confidence. I realized that I was not going anywhere and felt fine where I was. 

These men were paramedics. I had no idea what they were doing to me, as I could not feel a thing. They kept repeating the exact phrases: no pulse, no pressure, and don’t move her.

Not once did I hear my husband’s voice. Firefighters were also present at the scene and were echoing the paramedics words. I felt myself floating further away and pondered what I might feel next—fully aware that my spirit had broken free from my earthly body.

From an early age, I had known that death would not be a frightening or painful experience.

They were all whispering now and reporting the same information. “Unfortunately, there has been no recorded pulse or pressure on this thirty-year-old Caucasian female since the arrival of the firemen at the scene. Our monitoring continues to show the same vitals as the initial team.”

A more expressive voice repeated, “Do not attempt to move her to another location. Leave her where she is lying!”  

Finally, I understood it all. I was legally dead, and the hospital did not want my body moved. When someone dies at home, the spouse is often guilty of murder or foul play.

It wasn’t like I could hear a voice, but I understood what God was asking. Two questions came to me. The first question was – how would you feel about leaving your daughter. It took only a moment of reflection. She was too young to lose her mother. The second question was about leaving my husband. I could feel his immaturity, as I had married a young man, and the guilt he would feel if I were to die. Hurting me the way he had, it would be difficult for him to forgive himself. Still, I had not heard his voice. I couldn’t envision leaving him this way.

I was no longer floating.

My head didn’t hurt anymore, and I could hear a male voice excitedly saying, “Wait, please be quiet, I think I am reading a low pressure, and now I have a steady but low pulse. She’s alive!” 

I barely remember the ambulance ride, but I started coming around at the hospital. It didn’t take long for them to figure out an important fact. The blood pressure pill, the one prescribed by the doctor a day earlier, was too strong and had killed me. No one genuinely understood the complete story except perhaps me.

God had been in control of the situation that night. The severely debilitating migraine caused me to take 300 milligrams of Imitrex, the maximum dose, which also causes blood pressure to rise, as it functions as a potent vasoconstrictor. For just enough time, God had allowed me to feel how wonderful it was to be one with Him in spirit.

As a little girl, I had begged God, yelling at him in the rain, sun, and out of the shame of the home life I endured, to take me with him to heaven. This death experience was God’s way of showing me the two incalculable reasons for which I would continue to live. God had known this all along, but I had not – a crucial life lesson learned through death.

-JONI CAGGIANO

Author’s Note:  This is a true story but names, dates, etc., have been changed. My account does not include embellishments and may seem dry compared to seeing angels, a tunnel of light, etc. However, as a fervent believer, this was still a comforting experience.

Joni is an internationally known and published poet, photographer, and author.  She is a co-author of the Amazon #1 bestselling poetry anthology “Wounds I Healed: The Poetry of Strong Women”, and the upcoming poetry anthology, “Hidden in Childhood” to be released late January 2023 by Literary Revelations.  She is a regular contributor to MasticadoresIndia and a regular contributor to MasticadoresUSA and Spillwords Press NYC, where she has been twice nominated and won Publication of the Month for, “Love Me Like a Luna”, (November 2022).  As a surviving Adult Child of Alcoholics (ACOA), Joni’s blog is Rum and Robots and her complete list of books, anthologies, magazines and contests can be found at Joni Caggiano’s Publications.  Joni’s blog is an effort to help other ACOAs through faith and a strong kinship with nature.  Joni is also a retired nurse.

You can also read her writing on Instagram @jonicaggiano and Twitter @theinnerchild1.

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