My beloved kiku lay in withered waste
Yet their ivory tears still fall
Drift against the sides of my heart
Winter’s woeful weeping
In the northernmost climes
The bitter wind howls in my soul
Frigid lamentations haunt me
Hokkaido’s kanashimi no kaze
Winds of sorrow have frozen me in place
My mind flees on grey heron’s wings
Far away from this futile life
From this land of sadness
There is only whiteness
The aimlessness of a long life
Poorly lived, poorly loved, a life
Bereft of meaning, bereft of color
I can no longer remember the sun
The green of konara copse gone
Faded as the ferns have faded
Spring grass now dusky dun
Memories of flowers
Cause my heart to seize in my chest
There are no more lotus blossoms
Only shifting shadows on lifeless pond
Past the willows, past the stream, bamboo groves
Stand dead and haunted as yurei
Beat strange tattoos on hollow husks
Disappear in darkness
My hut is deserted
Now a silent chill resides there
Only empty bed and lone chair
At the table where I broke bread alone
No matter where my mind takes me there is
A sense of a world in mourning
Earth comes to a stop, all life gone
Naught left but winter’s tears
And yet I still endure
Wake each day to a barren world
Pass my time in haze of regrets
Wait for callous night with its numbing dreams
And yearn for winter’s end
Which never comes
-MICHAEL L. UTLEY
Mike is a deaf writer/photographer who lives in rural southwest Colorado, USA. His love of nature shines through his poetry and photography, both of which he uses to make sense of his world.
Please visit Silent Pariah to read and view more of his wonderful work.
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-MASTICADORESINDIA
Chewers & Masticadores // Editora: Nolcha Fox 
I yearn for winter’s end… Such powerful words. The poem flows so majestically. One day I’ll learn to write Poetry like this. Keep on sharing Mike. This is a gift, and we are all blessed to experience you writing.
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Thanks so much, Nigel. Honestly, your words really made my day. I’ve been sort of AWOL with regards to blogging lately, but Terveen keeps me tethered to writing by publishing my poetry, and I’m so grateful to her for that. This piece encapsulates the sadness I feel much of the time, and my fascination and love for Asian culture tend to find their way into my poetry quite often. The stark, austere imagery of the winter in northern Japan seemed like the ideal setting for this melancholy piece. I’m so glad you enjoyed it. Much appreciated, my friend. 🙂
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Please keep sharing your gift mate. My life and I’m sure the lives of all your readers are enriched by it. 🙏
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Oh, Nigel you are an extraordinary story teller, poetry would be just an icing of the cake once you start your hand on it.
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One day darling..one day soon
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We will all be rooting for you🙌
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Thank Michelle. Of that I am certain. This community, is chuck full of very supportive, and talented creators. Everyone just brings an energy that keeps me motivated. It’s hard not to get better among you guys.
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Lovely poem Michael…Terveen, thank you for sharing and i must say, your choices of photos to accompany each publication is brilliant.
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Thanks so much. I’m glad you enjoyed this one. Much appreciated. 🙂
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Mike I have missed your beautiful posts. Your writing is so descriptive and beautifully crafted no matter what the subject. I love how you use nature in your poems also and the narrative in an Asian setting is stunning. There are so many things I would like to see and visit in many places in Asia. Your words always touch my heart and soul Mike. I think many of us have time when we need to be tethered – I know I need that. Terveen is a blessing for those of us who do. She is an encouraging editor. I hope we hear from you again soon. Sending big warm hugs and prayers. Joni
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Hi, Joni. Yes, I’ve been away for a bit while writer’s block runs its course. The desire is certainly there but my head is empty and the page remains blank. Your kind words always brighten my day and I appreciate you so much for all you do. I hope things are good for you and yours and that spring is warm and generous to you. Thanks as always for reading and sharing your thoughts. It means a lot to me and I’m grateful for your kindness. Hugs to you, too. 🙂
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You are very welcome Mike. Big hugs, blessings and love, Joni
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Very good Mike!
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Many thanks, Tony. I’m glad you found this one to your liking. I truly appreciate you kindness. 🙂
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You speak for a lot of people, Mike.
❤
David
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Thanks, David. Sometimes I wonder if I should write melancholy poetry (like I have a choice, eh?), but then I realize that many people may relate to what I write, and perhaps they’ll feel less alone knowing they’re not the only ones going through sorrowful times. I appreciate your support as always, and your kindness means so much to me. Hopefully more new material will be forthcoming soon. Writer’s block is frustrating. I hope life is treating you well, good sir. Thanks a bunch for taking time to read and comment. I truly appreciate it. 🙂
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I’m so glad to see you back here on WordPress, Mike. I’ve missed your wonderful posts. This is such a poignant and beautiful piece. I could really relate to the verse that reads …
‘My hut is deserted
Now a silent chill resides there
Only empty bed and lone chair
At the table where I broke bread alone’ …
I have often felt this way, not so much now but certainly in the not-too-distant past. I know the feeling of a silent chill settling into your heart and soul, too.
I read in the comments that you are battling with writer’s block. Isn’t that so frustrating? The only way I’ve learned to deal with that is by writing about having this unwelcome block, but that’s just what works for me, but it would not necessarily suit everyone. I wish you well and am hoping for a quick passing of your stubborn writer’s block. Take care in the meantime 💙.
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Thanks, Ellie, for such a nice comment. I once went twenty years (yes, YEARS) without writing anything. The circumstances were a bit different (repeated rejections of my short fiction from magazine editors in the late ’80s and early ’90s led to my giving up on writing), so writer’s block is all too familiar to me. My current struggles have more to do with depression and things out of my control that result in an inability to put words together. I’ve tried what my counselor calls “purge writing,” which is basically to sit down and start typing and let whatever comes out flow onto the page, be it anger, sorrow, fear, regret, whatever. Sort of like stream-of-consciousness writing. It helps sometimes, but I can’t even seem to do that most of time. Words are fickle lovers for some of us, unreliable partners who disappear without a good-bye note, only to reappear unexpectedly at some future date. Darn muses… 😀 Anyway, writing is too important to me to give up on it now, so I must wait out this fallow period with the hope that when the words come again, they’ll arrive in a deluge. Thanks for your kindness, Ellie. I appreciate it so much. 🙂
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I’m so sorry you’re battling depression and other issues right now. It’s a tough place to be. I know it well, as I’ve struggled with it for a large percentage of my life. These days, it comes and goes as it pleases! I can’t imagine going without writing for such a long time, although I did take a break from my blog for three years before returning about a year ago, maybe less. My muse deserted me altogether at that time, and the last post I was able to write was called ‘Bowing Out’. I was determined on coming back that my previous posts were full of pain (emotional as opposed to physical) and weren’t going to be what I shared back then. I used to journal every day but rarely keep it up these days, although I’m sure it would do me good if I could get back into it. I love your description of words being fickle lovers. I’m happy😊 you have decided to write again, even if it’s not as often as before – you must have been much missed by your readers in your absences.
Ah, yes, an apology from me to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t congratulate you on being published in MasticadoresIndia – what an outstanding achievement. Here’s to many more awards or publications 🌟😊 X.
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Thanks, Ellie. I’m sorry to hear you experience depression, too. It’s not something I’d want anyone else to endure. It’s been a constant companion of mine since early childhood. I’m so glad you got back into writing. You have a singular talent with words and your poetry and stories are a joy to behold. Here’s to pushing forward and not giving up on our writing dreams. *raises cup of tea* 🙂
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Thank you so much for your very kind words, Mike. I’m glad that you enjoy my poetry. I go through agony trying to press the publish button when I’ve written a post because I never think my work is worth publishing. I think it’s lack of confidence and poor self esteem that gets in the way. However, I can’t ever see me giving up writing, as it’s my passion and my favourite thing to do.
Depression can be the bane of our lives. I’m sorry you’ve had it for such a long time. I think mine began in my twenties, although when I look further back to my childhood, I think it was present then, too. Here’s to your cup of tea 😊. X
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The longsuffering of the sadness accompanied by winter, it gave me a glimpse of this emotion. You made me feel through your crafted words.
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Thank you kindly, Cassa. As sorrowful as winter can be, it’s become the season which resonates the most with me as I’ve gotten older. There’s a silence to winter (well, as a deaf guy, most things are silent nowadays! 😀 ), but it’s an emotional silence, a deep contemplative silence that arrives with the first heavy skies and chill breezes, and lasts too long, far beyond spring’s arrival, it seems. I think my depression obviously has a lot to do with my identifying so profoundly with winter, too. It’s always January in my mind…but winter is when I write the most, so my frosty muse does treat me well at times. 🙂 I’m honestly deeply touched that my words spoke to you. That’s the highest compliment any writer can receive and I thank you for that. Much appreciated. 🙂
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It seems the seasonal blues makes her home in you. For better or worse, perhaps being a poet, it can be hard to escape this muse.
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Beautiful poetry! Lines that take us to where you are, that let us see what you see, and let us glimpse the bare emotions you experience.
Thank you for sharing your heart and your talent!
Blessings and continued writing are coming your way, my friend.
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Thanks a bunch, Peggy. Your words always lift me up and your encouragement is infectious. 🙂 Thanks for being along for the ride and for your constant support. I could definitely use some blessings right about now. I appreciate you, my friend. 🙂
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What a sad poem and thank you for sharing. “The aimlessness of a long life”. What a beautiful line. Our heart is always a nomad no matter how fixated we are in life; our heart can be sad despite the material satisfaction; our heart can even be lonely when we are at a party.
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Thanks so much for such a thoughtful and profound comment, Haoyondo. You’re so right about our heart’s discontent. A lifetime can be spent trying to satiate a lonely heart, to no avail. I know what it’s like to feel alone in a relationship and to yearn for things I’ll never attain. Those simple joys people talk about so often seem to have passed me by at some point. Sorrow cuts deeply, and pain tells us we’re still alive. Hope is there, somewhere, if we keep looking, I truly appreciate your kind words. Many thanks for taking the time to read and let me know how you feel. It’s an honor to be able to have my poetry published here (thanks, Terveen!), and it’s humbling and so fulfilling to receive comments such as yours. 🙂
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Beautiful imagery and a sad vision of regret. Thanks so much for sharing Mike’s poem. Terveen. He sure knows how to write them.
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Many thanks, Diana. You’re too kind. 🙂 I’m grateful for your thoughtful comments and encouragement. It means the world to me. 🙂
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❤
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