Urge by Don Matthews

Was out in bush the other day Driving with me mate When great big urge came over him Which just would not abate He took off into the sand dunes To dig himself a hole We had no toilet paper (Forgot to bring a roll) I said whatever did you use To clean yourself with…

White Blank by Don Matthews

It stares out from the screen at me I stare right back at it Yes, it says, I am quite blank And, yes, I feel a git. I’ve got no spelling errors Syntax perfect, yes I’m just a piece of white blank verse Examine me, address! But I’ve got better things to do Than look…

Prosaic Hell by Don Matthews

I have so many poems They wait, pile up, say “send” They keep on procreating Drives me round the bend This bloody rhyme’s addictive I gotta have my words Injected for my daily fix It’s damnably absurd You say to me go rehab They will de-rhyme your brain Jack and Jill won’t climb the hill…

Dr. Don at Your Service by Don Matthews

(Researchers at Donyagoz Adana Hospital, Turkey have found excess use of Viagra can produce a multitude of unwanted side effects. Feb 2020) Dr. Don’s on your screen here to warn you If you’re using Viagra to excess OK, you will stand you to attention But other things might end in mess This simple little thing…

Polyadic by Don Matthews

Polyadic What’s it mean? Quite benign? Quite obscene? Yes it’s in You’re favourite dic Or if you choose Take any pick It simply means Three or more Useless word I ever saw What a useless Waste of time Polyadic Waste of rhyme Polyadic Three or more Four, five, six What a bore How can I…

The Lady of the GPS by Don Matthews

(TRUE STORY) A truckie based in Melbourne (A huge B-double grade) Set GPS then headed off Bound for Adelaide The Lady of the GPS (Obey at any cost) Take this street, that street, trust me do You’re bound to not get lost But Lady? streets are narrowing Don’t worry trust me do You’ve told me…

Was the Night Before Christmas by Don Matthews

Was the night before Christmas When I got his text That Santa would visit me ‘Round planet (convexed) No longer he’s guided By stars (lots of guess) Tech reps have caught up with him Now has GPS (meter changes) I’m waiting here for Santa It’s three o’clock in morn (I’m yawning now but never mind)…

Listen Up There Rhyming Board by Don Matthews

Listen up there Rhyming Board(Yes you lot in the sky)I have a group of rhymersWho cheer me as I try Please don’t disappoint themDon’t come down on me hardI want to write new poetryI’m not another Bard Don’t worry ’bout my grammaBlindfold your eyes to ain’tI might spell great as ‘trifficI’m no-ones poet saint I’m…

Editor I Need Some Help Here by Don Matthews

I’m wanting some help with my poetryI need to unburden my brainIt’s giving me mental thrombosisImagine the state of my pain  Have you had a mind-clot of neuronsWho want to stop whirring around?I rely on their whirring-aroundnessTo tell me they’re perfectly sound  I think I’m expecting too much ofMy neurons I want to rotateI should…

I Am Poet Laureate by Don Matthews

I am a Poet LaureateIn nonsense poetryTook years and years of study, sweatTo reach this level (me) Not many brains are cut outTo handle this genreBut when I reached my nonsense-topResounding shouts, ‘good on ya’ I finally got my LaureatshipAt ceremony they donnedA cap and gown upon myselfAnd said arise Sir Don We bow down…

Crowder by Don Matthews

I tend to be a crowder Crowding people’s ears My mind’s too overactive Oh dear oh dear oh dear Mind, don’t be a crowder Don’t wear your welcome out Slow down your thoughts, restrict, withhold Still need my friends about OK, create, but know your place Can’t always centre stage There’s other players in this…